In May of 2014 I bought a brand new Ford F-250 FX4 Crew Cab. For those of you that aren’t quite sure, it’s a truck. No, it’s a big truck. It’s a four wheel drive, 6.7 liter turbo diesel beast with 800 ft/lbs of torque that can pull a damn house down. It’s a no-joke vehicle that can handle jobs way beyond what I’ll ever ask of it.

It’s also nearly 160 inches long and 105 inches wide.

Now, if you live in 99.8% of Texas this isn’t an issue. You’ll feel right at home and, in fact, people will respect the fact you’re driving what amounts to an Imperial Star Destroyer every day. If you live in a crowded urban area such as Houston, however, it’s not so easy.

Here’s what I’ve learned (and most of it applies no matter where you live):

• You know that you’re big, but when parking other people see you as a Mini Cooper. Be prepared to perform some uncomfortable contorsions to get in and out.
• People will move when you change lanes. Except 18 wheelers and dump trucks.
• Anticipate glares from hippies. They all assume your truck runs on sickly kittens and civil liberty.
• Forget parking in garages. No garage has ever been built to handle anything over 6 feet tall. Yeah, the sign says “Clearance 7 Feet” but it lies.
• Get a color other than white. For some reason people REALLY like big trucks that aren’t “contractor white”.
• Tell the dealer to swap the Michelin tires for something else. The stock tires suck. You’re going to hit every damn curb and it will tear the sidewalls to hell.
• Lock the tailgate. Shithole thieves will steal it. Yes. They will.
• Don’t drive off the lot without a spray-in bedliner.
• Have the dealer fill the tires with nitrogen and don’t pay for it. Your tires will last longer. Oh, and make sure they put the special valve stem caps on so the next guy knows they’re filled with nitrogen. They’ll ignore it and fill ‘em straight off the compressor anyway, but whatever.
• Source some diesel exhaust fluid before you hit 5,000 miles. It’s easy and cheap, but the on-board computer will nag you and eventually cripple the truck if you run out.
• Use the “manual” shift a few times. I can’t confirm it, but the on-board screen didn’t show me what gear I was in until I used it a few times. UPDATE: I figured out that if you have the truck in “D” and play with the manual shift toggle button it will show you different things in the on-board screen.
• Tuck those mirrors in if you back into your parking spot. If you don’t then you’ll look like a limbo champ trying to get in to your truck again.
• Make sure your insurance covers windshield replacement. That sucker is made of special sound-resistant glass and is expensive as hell.

Okay, so there are a LOT more tips, but those will get you started. I’ll add to this post as I remember more!